One Night in Bangkok

I'm reminded of the old Murray Head song One Night in Bangkok, especially now that my last night here on this visit has passed by. As I reflect back on the time here I'm seeing some striking contrasts, much like the song which was set around a championship chess tournament hosted in the city. The gist of the song was that in the midst of all the seedy neighborhoods there are still signs of class and sophistication. Certainly we have seen both sides since we've been here.

In the time we've been here we've had lavish dinners in fine hotels, and we've sampled things off of the street, some of which we're not entirely sure what it was. OK, we know what it was but we can't identify the parts themselves. Fortunately nothing crossed our palettes that appeared to be made of a feline or canine nature. I'm not sure that our two loving 80 pound balls of fur in Doha would approve, and I am sure that they would know.

We've also seen fine automobiles on the streets, Mercedes, BMW, and so forth (including the beautiful E-class Benz outside the Sheraton) and we've ridden in a tuk tuk. Taxis? Another story entirely, and perhaps at some future point I will conduct an analysis of the taxi rides I've taken around the world. In the meantime, I'll keep my focus on thoughts about Bangkok.

I suppose it would be appropriate to hone in on the things we found the most interesting after giving a bit of time to expound upon some of the more disturbing things. Besides the weird is a good hook and you know you'll finish reading this if I give you the dirt up front. You never know -- I might just leave some dirt at the end too. But you'll have to read to find out.

Bangkok is not without its bars and sleazy places. Certainly nobody who has ever seen a movie set in Thailand would be lured into believing that it's all clean and family-oriented. The movies don't exactly lie, and in fact many of them are spot on with the women of the evening dutifully patrolling the streets seeking to rid them of scum by incarcerating them, albeit temporarily, in a no-tell motel. Oddly enough I began growing accustomed to the weird guys hanging out on the street corners, especially those that were strategically located near the aforementioned deluxe accommodations, distributing fliers for all sorts of strange things. It was not totally different than meeting an Amway distributor in some ways. He was trying to sell you something overpriced and not exactly of better quality than what you're already using in the hopes that you will part with your hard-earned money based on a picture in a catalog.

Even the taxi drivers were into the whole sales thing. One guy that drove us to a restaurant actually walked back in to inquire as to whether we were interested in going to the "ping pong show." Apparently ping pong involves some rather creative tricks with ping pong balls by women who have talented nether regions. How odd it was to have the guy approach us at our table and inquire about our interest. Had he been a westerner I am certain that his line would have been something to the effect of, "I'm apologize for I have been quite remiss in failing to offer you one of Bangkok's finest forms of entertainment. We have the most exquisite ping pong demonstrations you have ever seen and I would be quite pleased to deliver you to a suitable venue for an absolutely extravagant display of talent. May I interest you in such an event?" Not that we were terribly interested in ping pong (the real kind) anyway, but we definitely didn't want to take in an evening of juggling hoo-hahs and trumpets played from various orifices.

On the subject of salespeople, one certainly could make the case that the vendors on the streets were prime candidates for promising careers in used car sales. Seriously, a guy with a wristwatch fetish would have been in danger of an overdose at the Suan Lum Night Market. I finally looked at one of the guys hawking imitation Rolex watches and said, "If I wanted a watch I'd already be wearing one." His response? "How many you want?" Gotta hand it to them for persistence. I also recall some odd verbiage thrown around by one particularly cunning entrepreneur who referred to his watches as "genuine imitation Rolex" watches. Another westerner did manage a smile in my direction as I commented to my wife that "genuine" and "imitation" really don't belong together in that context. It's like saying that you're at the grocery store after "genuine imitation crab meat" when you could simply say "I'm going to the store to buy some processed squid." The way you say it really can make a difference to a less discriminating ear.

Now on the plus side, Bangkok has quite a lot to offer if you enjoy seeing Buddhist temples or snakes. We did visit the Wat Pho temple where the reclining Buddha is taking a nice long nap. Pretty cool overall, and the decorations were quite colorful.



On top of that we visited the Grand Palace which really wasn't much more than a large series of temples with a nice house stuck in the middle. Still, worth seeing.

Now snakes are an entirely different story. There were snake farms all over the area, including the one we visited in Thon Buri. Nothing like watching a guy tease a cobra then join him down in front to have a python wrapped around you to make you feel alive.



All in all, a trip well worth the taking. I would definitely go back, if only to suggest to some slick salesman that he's asking way too much money for a scantily-clad girl on the piece of cardboard he's waving about.